Fun, fun, fun

Tonight I took the blonde bimbo and little red ratface out for a walk. Man, were those dogs ever restless, especially little red because she's had a sore paw, and the vet said she had to rest it! Ha ha, didn't I have fun teasing her through the window though, earlier! She was inside, and I was out. I kept coming up and then running off. Really agitates her. I LOVE it.

So, anyway, I teed up the humans to put the stupid canines on leads, and then I led them off. I love walking at night. Hardly any dogs out, and very few cats. Just the naughty ones like me who refuse to come in. Most of the time, I followed the dogs, trotting along happily behind, and when they split up, I went with the blonde bimbo, because really she's a nice dog and most of the time we like each other. Of course, some times I like to smack her in the face too. No reason. Just to remind her of who's boss. Ratface tries to eat me though. She chased me tonight -- just before the teasing incident. That's why I had no pity for her.

Anyway, I had the best walk. Even saw a big tabby cat, but when he saw the bimbo he wasn't game to say anything and just slunk away. Not sure why he was scared of her -- didn't he know I'm boss?

Exhausted

Ellen's home and the fun is over. What an amazing weekend! I confess I'm now rather exhausted after galavanting around for three days and nights.

Night adventures

Well, I must say this home-alone caper is loads of fun when I'm allowed to go outside all night -- and the nights have been so balmy. I managed to chase off that ginger cat -- boy was he surprised to see me out and about!

And I even got fed! E's left out the food dispenser, so I can eat as much as I like -- until it runs out -- and then Sarah turns up to shake the food down.

It's soo much better than having to sit in a car for hours on end. And I also hear that if I had gone this weekend, I would have to put up with the ever-effervescent Jeddah! That dog does my head in.

It's amazing what a difference freedom makes. Usually I detest weekends on my own -- they can be so boring! But not when the outdoors beckon.

Now what shall I do this afternoon . . .? I still have a whole day of freedom left!

Opportunity of a lifetime!

I've just found out that Ellen is going to the island this weekend, but I get to stay home. Even better, she's promised to leave the flywire screen propped open, so I have free range outside ALL WEEKEND!!

Words cannot express my joy. I am now planning just exactly what I'm going to do, where I'm going to go etc. She never would have done this before. It must because I'm five now.

Ooooh I can't wait!

Found opportunity

While Chenna's boundaries seem to be contracting, mine are expanding. Hear that world? Today the neighbourhood, tomorrow the suburb! Love these megalomania moments! That's right: we're feeding another cat, and that gives me the right to go over every day (twice a day), sneak into the kitchen and eat her food. And her bits taste better than my bits. The grass is greener and all of that -- though why any animal would want to eat grass is beyond me. Where's the thrill of the hunt? Grass doesn't exactly run very fast!

Lost opportunity

I might have known the freedom wouldn't last. There is, after all, a way to keep me inside. The pesky fly wire door. So I can see outside . . . I can SMELL and HEAR outside . . . I can even FEEL the air on my furry face.

But I cannot get outside.

Bother and damn.

Break for freedom

Last night, I achieved the ultimate in feline freedom. After years of being forced to stay in at night, deprived of the opportunity to defend my territory, constrained to hiss and yowl at intruders through the tiny window of my cat door . . . my cat door is no more.

Yep, that's right. One cat-fight-through-the-door too many, and the thing is broken. Wrenched off its hinges. Shattered in two. Leaving a beautiful hole in the main door through which I may come and go to my heart's content.

And my heart says that I should go outside during the night as often as I wish. That'll teach that pesky ginger cat intruder (Zim Zam)!

You should have seen Ellen's face this morning when she saw the debris. Perplexity. Resignation. And even mortification, as she realised that the cat fight she heard last night might actually have been me, when she thought I was snug and secure inside. Ha! That'll teach her.

Tucker chucker

This evening, I chucked up all my dinner at the front door. Dammit! I HATE chucking up my dinner for a number of reasons: 1) it leaves a gross taste in my mouth, 2) I end up hungry - although sometimes E gives me more food, 3) E usually leaves it there until I eat it up off the floor. I would so much rather she give me new food, but instead she makes me go hungry unless I eat up the stuff I've chucked! Disgusting.

It's all Ellen's fault for getting home late (9:30pm)! She then gave me all my dinner at once, instead of in small installments, and my stomach simply can't take it. Hence the chucking. If only she'd been patient and waited for me to eat installment number 1, followed by a 10 minute gap, before installment number 2. Definitely her fault.

Now I'm hungry and grumpy. Unless I go and see if the chucked up food is still there . . .

Dinner out

So here's the thing: the other day the family got invited out to dinner. It wasn't far. Just over the road. The family goes and feeds their cat from time to time. This cat -- you should see this cat. It is the fattest cat that ever lived. And it gets kangaroo meat for dinner! Every night. Me, well, I prefer my tins -- as in, I *really* prefer my tins -- but we're all different I suppose.

So, I go over expecting to be welcomed, and what do they do? They laugh. Oh, ha ha ha ha. Very funny. Beth has come to visit. I mean a family invite's a family invite, right? So do they invite me in? No, they do not. Do they feed me? Alas, no. I mean, I know I was a few minutes late and all -- and admittedly one of the kids did slip me something when they were all outside, but still! Not only did I *not* get fed there, but then they all moved inside and left me outside. How rude is that? I kept calling, and I'm sure they could hear me but they ignored me. Me! The cat! They ignored the cat -- can you believe it! Perhaps I'd better read those devilcat tips more closely after all. And then the fattest cat of all time took it upon herself to come and yell at me and tell me to get off her turf. Did I listen? No, I did not. I took my time, yelled some more, and then waited for them to take me home. A good night was not had by all. Most certainly not.

Forced into a corner

Was forced to use my litter tray this morning. Damn and hell, but E forgot to open my cat door at 6am when she fed me. After staring out dolefully for half an hour or so, I attempted to wake E up -- to no avail. She can be one deep sleeper! So eventually I was ready to burst and headed for the litter. I HATE using the litter tray! She had better put new stuff in, or I'm using the floor next time.

Devilcat tip #9: feet & ankles

I thought I'd start off the new year with another devilcat tip -- on feet & ankles.

The first thing to remember (the only thing, really) is that ankles -- human ankles, that is -- are your enemy. For this reason, you must ATTACK whenever you see bare feet and ankles. ATTACK with claws and teeth. Pretend you are trying to disembowell the ankle and you should do fine.

The best thing is that the moment your human lifts his foot to get it out of the way -- there's the other foot to attack! They can't possibly win, except by lifting feet onto a chair, and boy do they look stupid then! He he he.

I should also add that drawing blood is perfectly OK. Your humans won't like it, and will probably shout at you, but this is about being a devilcat, after all!

NOTE: Any human who kicks you during your foot/ankle killing endeavours is evil and not worth your time, let alone devilcat skills. Leave such a human immediately and without regret. Find one who loves the devilcat persona within.