Leonidas again

Great. Ellen saw The Golden Compass movie and now she's started talking about Leonidas again. I thought we were rid of him!

I really don't think it's polite of her to keep carrying on about that blasted snow leopard. Not when I'm here. And haven't I been a loyal companion for FIVE whole years now? That's dedication. But it seems to mean nothing in the face of the magnificent snow leopard.

I hate him. He'd better watch out. For even though he's about ten times my size, I alone remain the devilcat. He'd truly better watch out.

Blog anniversary

As of yesterday, I am now a veteran blogger of one whole year! I never thought I would come to appreciate how therapeutic it can be to rant about my life and all its irritations. I mean, you can see why I'm a devilcat, can't you?

As this year draws to a close, I'd like to thank all my readers, especially Beth, my occasional guest blogger. Although she can be a pain in the backside, Beth's posts offer insightful observations on how to be a matron cat -- not that I'd advocate that exactly, but it takes all kinds to make up the feline world. And Beth certainly has the matron angle down pat. (he he)

So for 2008 you can expect more devilcat tips, more insights from Beth into the feline Psyche (although I'll make sure she doesn't give too much away), and more stories about ME!

Why cats hate wind

I've heard all kinds of reasons: that the wind spooks us, that we're flighty like horses, that the howl of the wind sounds like a wolf and frightens us. What nonsense! No self-respecting cat is spooked by a little bit of wind. True, we might like to chase around little bits of debris that are eddying, but spooked we are not. Oh, no no no. The true reason is -- are you listening closely? -- the true reason is that we're just like humans (only don't let them hear you say it or, if you do, don't say you heard it from me) in that we hate bad hair days! And that's what the wind does. Any self-respecting cat will tell you that!

I am not aimiable!

You'd think Ellen's friends would have learned by now that I hate them. She had a bunch of them over last night and it was all I could do to ignore them and stay asleep. Then E tipped me off the cushion saying she needed the seat for a guest (well, really) and so I bolted.

But there's always one . . . Or three . . . Or five . . . who remain convinced they can win me over. They mumble and mutter and wave and try all manner of demeaning actions to try to get my attention. How many times do I have to growl, bite and scratch to give them the message?

Geez, they're so annoying. I sooo have better things to do than hang around when E has friends over.

I did hear them all say that I had been very good, though. Patronising humans! Next time I'll take chunk out of every one who tries to be friendly.

How clever am I? (Answer: very clever!)

Now that my -- er -- 'apron' has grown back, I'm not longer the same cat. I look different! How clever am I! My chest used to be more uniform in colour, my stripes less pronounced. I'm just going for a slightly different look. What do you think, Chenna? Not matronly at all, right? I'm thinking it's kind of sexy. If I were a boy, I'd call it my bow-tie look and think that I look suave and dapper, but I'm not a boy (the name gives it away, right?), so I'll just have to settle for pretty! Ah, if only they'd buy me something pink to sit on.

Last weekend

Chenna, help! My humans are turning into your human! Last weekend they went away for four days! Four. Do you know how many that is? How many paws do you have? How many claws to a paw? It was as frustrating as seeing a big fat ugly tomcat in your yard but being trapped inside. They did, of course, organise someone to come and feed me, but he doesn't stay and talk to me and give me pats and recognise me as queen of the house. So when the humans came home I put my tail in the air and walked off. Aloof, Chenna, that's the way to do it. No need to be biting and hissing. Just play it cool. It words wonders. They know of my displeasure and will have to earn back my favour. I can expect great things!

Fluffy and ZimZam

This evening -- I still can't believe it -- Ellen hobnobbed with the owners of white fluffball and the ginger cat!! She got all friendly with them and everything!!

I feel so demeaned. Trivialised.

One thing to come out of it though is that I now know that white fluffball's name is "Fluffy" and the ginger cat is "ZimZam". What kind of name is that? They're both boys, which only reinforces my poor impression of them.

Neglected

I'm rather wondering why Ellen even bothered coming home. It's not as though she's been around much this week.

Do you think she'd notice if I didn't come home? I almost tried it this evening; I waited outside when she got home, instead of rushing inside for food, to see what she'd do.

But I couldn't last. I was too hungry. So I went in when she called, leaving her only mildly surprised.

Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.

Back to normal

It's nice to have Ellen back, even if she goes to work all day and clacks away on her computer all evening. It's comforting clacking. (Come to think of it, she also made an awful racket with vacuuming this evening . . .)

The weekend was dull as. But at least I had visitors to dispense my food and open the cat door in the mornings. I could have wished they didn't bother shutting it at night again . . . the least E could have done was allow me to roam outside all night if she was off having fun elsewhere. It's not as though I can go hang out with my friends, if I'm stuck inside! (I do have friends - truly!)

But I survived [sigh] and I even refrained from peeing on the floor inside. She would've hated that and it would have served her right! But I didn't. Maybe Beth is teaching me some manners after all.

mutter mutter

mutter mutter mutter . . . Ellen's hardly been home this week and I've been BORED. What does she mean by getting home so late every night? I mean, tonight it was after 11pm! And I get so HUNGRY while I'm waiting. And today I was LOCKED OUT by my stupid cat door which gets stuck sometimes, and it was a HOT DAY.

On the upside, I got to stay outside until 11pm tonight, which on a balmy night like tonight is way cool.

But now she tells me she's going away WITHOUT ME all weekend. And so I'll have to be more bored and rely on others to come and feed me. Geez.

mutter mutter mutter

Devilcat tip#8 - what to do with insects

It's butterfly season again - glorious. You'll also find lots of flies buzzing about. Both make marvellous playthings. Fun to catch, but even better to dismember.

Just remember that the best place to do this is inside. By all means, bring your playthings in and show off to your humans just how clever you are. They'll be especially thankful if you can catch the flies that come inside of their own volition (fools). Just leave the remains on the floor and the humans will pick them up. Sometimes the butterflies are not quite dead, and their desperate, pathetic, feeble fluttering is worth a look.

You may also notice the occasional cockroach. Ah, these are fun to play with too - only take care to do so away from humans, or they'll scream - or, worse, vomit. That's what Ellen almost did when I left a half-mangled roach on the floor in her bedroom once. She didn't like that at all. He he. On the other hand, it was rather fun seeing her reaction! She likes me killing the suckers, but doesn't what to acknowledge their existence.

Other fun bugs to play with are cicadas (but they make an awful racket when you bring them inside) and spiders of course. E thinks her huntsman died of natural causes! Little does she really know.

More cat trivia

More insights into feline-dom from the vet:

• 95% of cat owners admit they talk to their cats. (yep)
• A cat can be either right-pawed or left-pawed. (nup - I can swat with either claw just as effectively)
• A cat cannot see directly under its nose. This is why the cat cannot seem to find tidbits on the floor. (I just wish E would get this one!)
• A cat has 230 bones in its body. A human only has 206 bones.
• A cat has four rows of whiskers. (well, duh)
• A cat in a hurry can sprint at about thirty-one miles per hour. (you betcha - E is always amazed how I can meet her at the front door then race around to the back and get inside before she does!)
• A cat sees about six times better than a human at night because of the tapetum lucidum , a layer of extra reflecting cells which absorb light. (erm . . .?)
• A cat uses its whiskers to determine if a space is too small to squeeze through. The whiskers act as feelers or antennae, helping the animal to judge the precise width of any passage.
• A cat will almost never meow at another cat. Cats use this sound for humans. (and a low-grade language it is too)

5th birthday

Today is nominally my 5th birthday. It's nominal because no-one actually knows the precise date. The vets estimated my age when I was handed in. So for all intents and purposes, today is the day.

FIVE! How about that? I have celebrated with an idyllic day in the garden. E hasn't been around much -- it would have been nice for her to spend some time with me, I must say. But she's going out again this evening, and will most likely lock me in, so I look forward to a long boring evening all alone.

Happy birthday to me.