Cunning plan

I have a cunning plan to make Ellen stop feeding me diet rubbish food: pee on the floor! It's starting to work, I can feel it. My little messages of the past couple of days are having their effect!

Let me explain. I have been on a special diet for the last year or so, specially designed to prevent me from having bladder inflammation etc. (Enough said.) But by mixing the diet rubbish food with my special food, there's a chance it will stop having the positive effect, and I'll start having problems again. A sure sign of this is 'inappropriate peeing'.

And so my cunning plan is to make Ellen think this is happening! For the past couple of days I've left strategically placed messages, and now I can see her mind churn around . . . what's worse, a fat cat or pee on the floor? (I know which one she'll pick.)

Stay tuned for more news from this frightfully clever feline.

Still here!

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted -- almost four months in fact. But the good news is that I'm still here!

After that last incident, Ellen took me down to the island for a four-day weekend in November. I guess that'll teach me to make a statement! But it was nice to have a change of scene. I was very good while I was down there, and so long as my litter gets changed every day there's no reason for me to make a statement.

About three weeks ago, Ellen put me on a diet. She's been threatening this for months now, and the vet even e-mailed a suggested food scheme. But it took E so long to actually implement it that I assumed she'd forgotten. Not so lucky. Now, half my food comprises these disgusting diet pellets. They look like my normal food, but they are no more than a 'cheap' imitation. Yuck. I have to eat them, or else I'll starve, but I don't notice any weight coming off yet! (Not that I'm in any way fat, or anything.)

The week before last, we went back to the eye specialist. You know, the one who wants to yank my eye out? Well, I did NOT want to go there, and I made sure E knew it. She was so certain I would be good so long as she fed me before we went, but I wasn't falling for that again. To make it even more worthwhile, the vet had students witness my examination, and I'm not sure they'd ever encountered such a devilcat as I. Ha Ha! I showed them! Hiss, spit, scratch. In the end they had to wrap me up in a towel. (I didn't like that so much.)

Here's a photo of my eye -- the one that changed colour. I'll try to post photos after each examination -- for I have to go back AGAIN in another four months. But at least I get to keep my eye for the time being. The specialist vets are fascinated by my eye, and have evidently been asking other opinions in on-line vet chatrooms. Cool huh?

But do you know how off-putting it is hearing people talk about ripping your eye out? As though it was a splinter or something! I mean REALLY! This is my EYE we're talking about!

Unappreciated present

Ah well, it was great while it lasted. Had a fab few days here on my own, but Ellen came home this afternoon and now I have to share the house with her again.

While she was gone, I could go anywhere I wanted, in and out of the house.

Just so she'd appreciate me, I left her a little present in her study. After all, she spends so much time in there . . .

I was up on the edge of her desk -- just wishing she were here for a bit of extra food, lounging beside her keyboard -- and I needed to, well, you know, GO.

So I popped my rear over the edge of the desk and went!

It's becoming a favourite game of mine to watch Ellen sniff her way around the house when she gets home, looking for my present . . . She creeps around on her hands and knees, sniff sniff sniffing . . . And then with a yelp she finds it!

It's all cleaned up now. I don't think she liked my present much, actually.

Forced into a corner

Was forced to use my litter tray this morning. Damn and hell, but E forgot to open my cat door at 6am when she fed me. After staring out dolefully for half an hour or so, I attempted to wake E up -- to no avail. She can be one deep sleeper! So eventually I was ready to burst and headed for the litter. I HATE using the litter tray! She had better put new stuff in, or I'm using the floor next time.

More on wee

The following exchange (in response to Devilcat tip #5, "The pros and cons of the litter tray", below) is far too good to languish in the comments section!

Beth said...
Hmm, I don't have one of those. I'm expected to hang on. My owners former cat never used one and would pee in the shower hole. I'm with you on this one -- why should I walk on that cold enamel? Clothes left on the floor are good, I always find. Or a half wet towl -- then I can be sneaky and pretend it wasn't me, that it's just shower water.BTW, my new apron has black stripes. Lucky I've hidden the camera or I'm sure they would be taking photos of it. Humans!
27 September 2007 21:39

Chenna said...
Beth, you have it in one! Clothes left on the floor are excellent.BUT even better are SHOES left on the floor. Ellen used to have a pair of leather birkenstocks she would leave around on the floor. They hold wee nicely. I have also experimented on her gorilla slippers and old netball runners.

Devilcat tip#5: the pros and cons of the litter tray

This is one area in which I definitely excel, so take note, friends!

This is important. Be fussy about your litter tray. If your human doesn't change it immediately after you've used it, go outside. If you can't go outside, go on the floor. It's as simple as that.

Humans clean their toilet regularly enough, so why do they expect us to put up with reeking wet gravelly stuff? After all, we have to stand in it. It's totally gross. I can assure you that the above-mentioned tactics work a treat and will ensure a pristine litter experience every time.

OK, so going on the floor will always earn you some yelling and glaring. But they get over it.

For the record, my cat litter of choice is Maxx's.

Almost an angel

I promised a full report of the week at the island. I must say I was a VERY good girl for the whole week. Even when Ellen had friends there, I behaved myself. I didn't attack anyone, I slept quietly on a chair, ate when food was offered . . .

. . . well, OK I might have taken a swipe at one of Ellen's friends, but he shouldn't have come so close. What can I say? I like my space. I'm quite happy to coexist with humans, so long as they leave me alone. Unless I'm begging them for attention; then it's OK to get close!

I even used my litter tray for the entire week. Ellen got the idea eventually and changed it every two days. It did take a spot of illegal urination -- on the carpet in her parents' bedroom -- for her to get the message though. She really was not too happy I did that. But I went down to the litter tray, scratched around in it, and just couldn't bring myself to use it. Anyway, she had to clean it up in the early hours of the morning. She poured something called 'Carpet Power' on it, and it seemed to do the trick. After that, she changed the litter quite regularly!

The days in the house were quite idyllic, really. On the sunny days, Ellen opened the doors onto the deck and I was able to get out and breathe fresh air, feel the sun on my shoulders. Very pleasant.

So I survived the week, as you see. Even the long drive there and back -- I even managed to sleep at one point! No dramas at all. I am very happy to be home again though, able to patrol my garden and torment the other cats in the driveway. Nevertheless, going on holiday is getting less and less traumatic each time.

Making a point

This morning, just to show that I am no problem cat (hissss), I used my litter tray. I could have gone on the floor, because the litter was, after all, not brand new and clean . . . but I didn't. Normally I would wait until E opened the cat door and go outside. But not today!

A lesson in hygiene

As punishment for all that illegal urination, Ellen has refused to upload any of my posts for the past week or so. In fact I'm rather surprised she's relented today, because I haven't been totally good in the last couple of days.

We went to the island for a holiday, and I was very good until the last afternoon when I weed on the floor again. What Ellen doesn't understand is that if I must use a litter tray, then it needs to be 100% clean litter.

After all, she flushes the toilet every time she goes --- so why should I be any different? She just needs to change the litter every day and then it won't happen.

I guess it didn't help that it happened about half an hour before she wanted to leave for home. Well, I just COULDN'T hold on any longer! She'll just have to get with the program next time.

She was probably also a bit annoyed that I gave her a huge gouge on the arm that bled everywhere and now might be infected (it looks almost like she tried to slit her wrists). Her fault. She should have just allowed me to sleep in her mother's linen closet. Simple!

Anyway, I enjoyed the trip to the island this time, because that awful dog Jeddah wasn't there. It meant I had the run of the place, and I explored the balcony a bit.

Ellen cleaned like a madwoman before we left (even before she learned of my little contribution downstairs . . .) to make sure she vacuumed up every last possible speck of my fur --- not that either of us could see a speck. She was just been cautious.

Getting on top of things

It's been a tough week and a half, but I think I'm on top of things now. The pills have stopped and I haven't urinated inappropriately for a few days. (Ellen seems to be talking to me again.)

Pushing the boundaries

In the past couple of days I have weed on Ellen's digital scales (that'll teach her to tell me I'm fat!) and on the floor beside the couch. She is still making me take a pill everyday -- although I think today is the last day.

Oh, and I also threw up all my food and a hairball.

It's been fun watching Ellen crawl around the floor every evening, nose to the floor, paper towel in hand, searching for my latest deposit. I think she's getting a bit sick of it though. If I don't watch myself, I might find myself booted out of home!

But I don't really think she'll do that, because when she's not grumbling, she's giving me cuddles, and telling me I'm beautiful.

That's when I attack her hand!

A smelly welcome

Today I weed on the floor at the front door. Needless to say, Ellen was not happy. I don't know what's wrong with me :-(

I also had a bit of a stoush with the ginger cat. He's so much bigger than me, but I reckon I can get him! Ellen tells me not to be so stupid.

She is still making me take a pill every day.

From bad to worse

I did it again. No sooner had we posted the previous entry on Thursday evening, than I did it again. Weed on the rug. Ellen has never sworn at me as she did that night.

I felt awful.

I truly did feel awful . . . there was blood in my urine and it was painful. I half expected to be whisked off to the vet the next day -- that's the usual pattern. But for once I was saved the trauma. Friday passed uncomfortably, but uneventfully . . .

This morning I weed on the floor at the foot of Ellen's bed (and I think her runners might have been in the way). I couldn't help it. I just felt so awful and Ellen needed to know how bad I felt. That's why I did it somewhere obvious.

She seemed to take it better this morning. Cleaned it up then got on the phone and went out for the morning. I thought I was safe. But then she suddenly came home and got the carry cage down and then we were at the vet!

Damn and blast, I HATE going to the vet. We saw Dr Jenny today. I've seen her a few times in the past when I've had bladder problems. (For some reason I seem to get this all the time.) They talked about me as though I wasn't even in the room. Dr Jenny seemed to think it could be stress related. Ellen wondered whether it was because she kept leaving me home alone all the time (yeah - I hope she goes on believing that) and Dr Jenny wondered whether it was due to my battles with the invaders up and down the driveway. She's cluey that Dr Jenny. She noticed the slight wound on my nose where ginger must have landed a swipe, and drew her own conclusions. (However, my battles make me feel exhilarated, not stressful. Go figure.)

Then she jabbed me with a needle THREE TIMES. It turns out I was duped into having vaccinations as well. When we got home, Ellen made me take a pill.

I have spent the rest of the day in quiet contemplation. Going to the vet really takes it out of you!

Now it turns out I have to have special food to try to prevent my urinary tract infection from happening again. I confess I too would be pleased if we could rid me of this weakness. The new food tastes OK. And it should be nice to have something different for a change. I wonder how it'll fit in with my so-called diet?

I don't know what made me do it

I'm in Ellen's bad books this evening.

I don't know what made me do it, but I urinated on the carpet. Now all she can do is scowl at me and ask me why I did it. She's barely said anything else to me all evening.

Then, for a moment she'll forget and say hello . . . and then she remembers again and the shadow comes back over her face.

I really don't know what made me do it. I wonder if she'll ever speak to me again? Will she ever forgive me?

. . . Nope. She still hasn't forgiven me.

The island - Day 2 (Sunday)

I spent most of the day in Ellen's room. Even when everyone else went out for a walk for the entire morning, I was quite content to sleep under the bedcovers. An ideal Sunday morning snooze.

Ellen got her computer out in the afternoon, and I ventured out into the living room to explore. She also made me go outside! This made me very edgy, since who knows what might be out there? The fences are all wire and transparent, and there's zero protection. I would be mad to let my guard down like I do at home. (In MY GARDEN it's quite different, because I know every smell, every sound, every tremor. I can detect danger a mile off.)

I had vowed not to use my litter tray all weekend, but it began to get a bit difficult to hold on, and Ellen worked it out when I ventured into the bath. (At home, that's an acceptable option, because at least it's easy to clean -- Although Ellen still swears at me when I do that.) However, at the island it sparked a battle between us, and (after I drew blood) she THREW me into the downstairs bathroom and locked me in! She actually stood there holding the door closed! This proved to be a good idea though, because I knew there was no way she'd let Jeddah in, and I felt secure.

It was such a relief to let it all out. Even though I missed the tray and it went all over the floor. Ellen wasn't too happy about that, because she had to clean it all up, but at least I tried to use the litter tray! The problem is that I'm out of practice, since I have a whole garden at home. After holding on for over 24 hours, I felt like a new feline! I was finally able to eat, although my appetite for the entire holiday was quite low.

Poor Ellen has quite a few new scratches on her wrists. I don't know what strangers think about that. She didn't try to lock me away on the Sunday night, so I slept in her bed again. She had the light on almost all night! I think she was reading.