electric dreams

Thought you'd be interested to know that I've become rather attached to sleeping on top of the computer power transformer. Well, if Ellen will insist on sitting at her desk all the time, what else is a faithful feline to do but keep her company? I've tried her lap, but she gets wriggly. This way, I'm not in anybody's way and I get a nice warm buzz under my shoulder. Very soothing.

Milk bottle ring

Oh praise the cat gods, I have found new meaning in life with the revelation about milk bottle rings. You know, the ring that seals the lid to the bottle when first purchased? I found one on the floor yesterday quite late, and you have no IDEA how much fun it is to play with! It scoots along the floors amazingly well, and makes a cute plasticky tinkling sound.

Ellen just looks at me and laughs. Ha, she says. Have you only just worked that out? Moggie used to play with them all the time. (Moggie was Ellen's former feline. I met her once or twice -- old decrepit thing. She died over 4 years ago.)

I have a sneaking suspicion that E put the ring in my way to see what I'd do. Well, so what? She was right for once. I LOVE it!

The only problem is that now I've lost it. It's disappeared under some piece of furniture (can't remember which) and so that's the end. Until E opens another bottle of milk . . .

Devilcat tip #7 - bedroom behaviour

There are two different types of humans: those who allow us felines to sleep on their beds, and those who don't. I am very lucky to have a human who does allow me on the bed. In fact, she even allows me in the bed. The trick to maintaining devilcat status is to be unpredictable. The moment humans expect anything of you, you're doomed.

I mix up my bedroom behaviour. Sometimes, I'm there quite early, on the bed before E is asleep. Othertimes, I lurk around outside the bedroom, ignoring her inquiring calls, waiting to sneak in much later, in the middle of the night.

The other thing to mix up is location. There's the option of ON the bed. When choosing this option, it's essential to find a comfy warm position between your human's legs. This may sound rude, but if you're on top of the doona, it's fine. (It is also extremely irritating for your human, who is pinned and cannot move! I find it perpetually amazing how pathetic humans can be, not wanting to wake us up and all. Don't they know we wake and sleep both in a flash?)

If you want something even more cozy, there's the option of IN the bed. My favourite spot is between the doona and top sheet. That way, you're separate from your human, with all the benefits of being beneath the doona. You can also go under the sheet, but I don't recommend this as highly as the other option. Of course, if your human doesn't have a top sheet, you don't have a choice! When in the bed, the best spot is in the small of your human's back.

Always go towards the CENTRE of the bed, never the side. This way, you can nudge your human so far to the edge that they almost fall out!

If you're feeling particularly mischievious, you can head down towards the feet and attack. Most humans HATE this.

Finally, it's worth mentioning that beneath the doona is a brilliant place to sleep if you're feeling low. I find if I'm somewhere I'd rather not be (such as the island) I can slip under the doona and pretend I'm somewhere else. There's the added advantage that stupid humans can't find you! (I played this trick on T on the island recently. He he.)

Still yuck

The moisturiser called me again this morning. It's been a few months since they changed the recipe, but it's been luring me nevertheless. After all, Ellen smears it all over her face, and I like licking her face, don't I?

This morning, I braced myself and took a lick before she put the cap back on. (She's become slack since I've been disinterested.)

Still yuck.

A lesson in hygiene

As punishment for all that illegal urination, Ellen has refused to upload any of my posts for the past week or so. In fact I'm rather surprised she's relented today, because I haven't been totally good in the last couple of days.

We went to the island for a holiday, and I was very good until the last afternoon when I weed on the floor again. What Ellen doesn't understand is that if I must use a litter tray, then it needs to be 100% clean litter.

After all, she flushes the toilet every time she goes --- so why should I be any different? She just needs to change the litter every day and then it won't happen.

I guess it didn't help that it happened about half an hour before she wanted to leave for home. Well, I just COULDN'T hold on any longer! She'll just have to get with the program next time.

She was probably also a bit annoyed that I gave her a huge gouge on the arm that bled everywhere and now might be infected (it looks almost like she tried to slit her wrists). Her fault. She should have just allowed me to sleep in her mother's linen closet. Simple!

Anyway, I enjoyed the trip to the island this time, because that awful dog Jeddah wasn't there. It meant I had the run of the place, and I explored the balcony a bit.

Ellen cleaned like a madwoman before we left (even before she learned of my little contribution downstairs . . .) to make sure she vacuumed up every last possible speck of my fur --- not that either of us could see a speck. She was just been cautious.

I don't know what made me do it

I'm in Ellen's bad books this evening.

I don't know what made me do it, but I urinated on the carpet. Now all she can do is scowl at me and ask me why I did it. She's barely said anything else to me all evening.

Then, for a moment she'll forget and say hello . . . and then she remembers again and the shadow comes back over her face.

I really don't know what made me do it. I wonder if she'll ever speak to me again? Will she ever forgive me?

. . . Nope. She still hasn't forgiven me.

Squashed kitty . . .

. . . well, almost.

It's all Ellen's fault for balancing a suitcase on a stack of junk (in fact, other suitcases) in her spare wardrobe. She should KNOW that I often go in there to play/sleep/hide and that it's dangerous having a case that could fall on top of me. I could have been killed.

Luckily I heard it shift and I ran away before it fell. But, gee, it was a close call! She would be very sorry if it squashed me.

Chenna before keyboard

I long ago worked out that if I sit on top of Ellen's keyboard, she can't do anything about it. It makes her do one of two things:

> she either shoves the keyboard away under her computer (there's a drawer) and allows me to smooch her;

> or she sits back and allows me to sit on her lap while she tries to type.

Either way, I can chew on her wrist. This evening, I sit on her lap as she types this, chewing her wrist. It's a sign of love and endearment, don't you know?

Letter of complaint

Dear Proctor & Gamble

RE: Olay Complete recipe modification

WHY have you changed the recipe for Olay Complete SPF15? It has been my daily breakfast dessert for years, but suddenly it's DIFFERENT. Every morning for the past week, I've been in position right on time, judging perfectly my arrival from outside, only to find . . . it just doesn't do it for me anymore. It's like Eukanuba without the Eukanuba. Tuna without the tuna. (Chocolate without the chocolate.) Get my drift?

Could you please go back to the old recipe? Ellen hasn't noticed any difference with its moisturiser action, so for the sake of this furry feline's tastebuds . . .? Pleeeeease???

Best regards
Chenna Devilcat

Moisturiser mishap

Eeeaw, I missed the moisturiser this morning! It's my favourite way to start the day. I hear the hairbrush go down and I'm there, up on the dressing table, all ready and waiting for the Olay complete UHF15+. I can always get a little bit left on the rim before Ellen claps the cap back on.

But this morning, we were all out of routine . . . Ellen had her coffee before her shower, so I went outside and I MISSED IT! When I scrambled back in, suddenly remembering, it was all over. And she taunted me with it. How cruel.

She better watch out tomorrow morning . . . just to get her back I'll wake her up really early on new year's morning. Ha!