Brave and bold - an adventure

It was Sunday. Ellen was having drinks in the driveway. I decided to be brave.

She left the front door open and so I too ventured out into the driveway. It was fun. At first I found a comfy spot beneath the bushes in the neighbour's front garden. From here I had a great view down the driveway, and could watch E with all her silly friends.

Then I decided to do some exploring. From unit 4, I stole stealthily down to the front grass and garden area of unit 3. Here, under the cover of shade of the lemon tree, I snooped around the garden, which was strangely fenced off by chicken wire.

Then I went even further. Emboldened by my success (and the lack of the usual driveway felines -- not sure where they were) I slunk into the garden of unit 2! This was the furthest I have ever progressed. Ellen and her silly friends were marvelling at my bravery. I even took advantage of the earth to . . . er . . . well I'm sure you can guess.

Alas, my adventure was interrupted by one of the silly neighbours thundering out the door and startling me. Just in case he brought with him Fluffy-no-ears or Zimmy-the-trespasser I scampered back to our own front door, where E let me inside.

After that I reclined on my cushion watching all from this splendorous comfort. Enough adventuring for one day.

Tricksy

So. She really did it. Went away and left me. It's after midnight on Friday and it's been nearly a week. All on my own.

I've been very good. Haven't left any deposits on the floor. I've even sussed out my cat door and I can roam free all night and all day (when I'm not sleeping on my cushion).

Thelma from next door is feeding me -- hasn't forgotten once! I've decided I'm going to try not to hiss at her, because if I keep hissing she might stop feeding me, and that would be BAD. So I'm TRYING to be on my best behaviour.

But every so often I play a little trick on her. Sometimes I see her coming and I bolt out of my cushion and hide somewhere in the house - or outside - just so I can watch her crawl around the house looking for me (he he he).

But I'm trying to be on my best behaviour.

0.4kg down

What a weird week. Scorchingly hot, and now rather cool. When it was hot, I didn't feel like eating much. And now it's cool, all I'm faced with is that dreadful -- well, I'm not going to go on about that anymore.

The good news is that I think I've actually lost some weight! Ellen weighed me this morning, and I'm down by 0.4kg, which as a percentage of my body weight is fairly significant. Cool, huh?

Ellen's friend Lita actually said I was looking good, and that it wasn't my fault I had a flabby tummy. I like her.

anti-diet strategy

I'm still off my food, but for a completely different reason. I simply CAN'T STAND the diet food Ellen keeps trying to feed me. It's DISGUSTING.

So now I either leave it there and pester Ellen until she gives me some of the real stuff. Or I chuck it up again in an attempt to make Ellen stop feeding it to me.

Today I chucked up on the couch, and I know it's bothering Ellen, as she sits there, because she keeps wrinkling her nose. Even though she cleaned it up. I think she'll need to use something stronger to get the smell out.

He he he

virtuoso devilcat

I've been back at my devilcat best this past week. Angelcat? BAH!

A notable event was my destruction of Ellen's bedside lamp. I'm not sure how it happened, but it ended up on the floor early one morning, glass shade shattered into a thousand pieces. You should have seen Ellen jump! (She had been asleep . . .) So E had to get out of the nice warm bed and clean it up.

And then this afternoon (he he he) E was making a nice bagel ready for grilling. She put tuna on it, so of course I wanted some too! I was up on the bench in a flash to drink the juice she left for me. But I finished that fast, so I cast around for some more. And then (he he) I realised I was covered in dirt after lounging in the garden bed, so I shook it all off. All over E's bagel! You should have heard her curse at me. She was not happy, no she wasn't.

Oh yeah, and I chucked up my food a few times this week as well. All in all, a fine devilcat performance!

Deviousness

Finally the mouse spirits decided to leave me alone, thanks be to the catgods. But that stupid human, Ellen, thought it might have had something to do with my bell, so she took it off. As if I would be scared of a pesky bell!

Nevertheless, I decided that no bell was a good thing, so when she put it on me again the other day, just to see whether it was the bell that had me hiding under the couch, I waited until I saw coming home up the driveway, and then I hid under her bed! This meant that she thought I'd been hiding all day, so she took the bell off again!

Man, I rock.

I'm in a pretty good mood today, because I've just had another whole weekend home alone. E went to the island without me again. I must say I rather like this gig with the cat door hole so I can come and go all day and all night exactly as I please.

WIld fun and a workout

I had me some wild fun last night. Even better, Ellen was home, but couldn't do anything to stop me! It was the most fun I've had in ages.

It all started with this mouse I found. I'm not going to reveal where I got it from, because that would be telling, and I'm still hoping there might be others where that came from. This particular mouse was really stupid and, while E was out for the evening, I brought it inside to play with.

Mice are by far the most fun toys because they squeak and squeal and run away from you and hide and then (doh) sneak out when they think you're not looking and then when they realise you are looking, they squeak and they squeal . . . well, you get the picture.

Before Ellen came home, I hid the mouse in her wardrobe, and she didn't suspect a thing! Then, in the dead of night, when the coast was clear, I retrieved it and the fun began again!

The stupid mouse must've squeaked too loud, because E woke up and panicked a bit, but then she gave in to my magnificence and crawled back into bed, cowering.

I tell you that mouse gave me a good workout last night! What E should realise is that a mouse workout like that is much better than this stupid starvation diet she's trying to put me on. (I say 'trying', because all it takes is for me to annoy her too much and she gives in again.)

I thought about eating the mouse, but I didn't. I don't actually like the taste of mouse much, and I thought E would appreciate me giving it to her instead. A small token of apology for disturbing her sleep? Anyway, I left it on the floor and she can do with it as she wills.

It's still there, so I think she must be admiring it.

Break for freedom

Last night, I achieved the ultimate in feline freedom. After years of being forced to stay in at night, deprived of the opportunity to defend my territory, constrained to hiss and yowl at intruders through the tiny window of my cat door . . . my cat door is no more.

Yep, that's right. One cat-fight-through-the-door too many, and the thing is broken. Wrenched off its hinges. Shattered in two. Leaving a beautiful hole in the main door through which I may come and go to my heart's content.

And my heart says that I should go outside during the night as often as I wish. That'll teach that pesky ginger cat intruder (Zim Zam)!

You should have seen Ellen's face this morning when she saw the debris. Perplexity. Resignation. And even mortification, as she realised that the cat fight she heard last night might actually have been me, when she thought I was snug and secure inside. Ha! That'll teach her.

Blog anniversary

As of yesterday, I am now a veteran blogger of one whole year! I never thought I would come to appreciate how therapeutic it can be to rant about my life and all its irritations. I mean, you can see why I'm a devilcat, can't you?

As this year draws to a close, I'd like to thank all my readers, especially Beth, my occasional guest blogger. Although she can be a pain in the backside, Beth's posts offer insightful observations on how to be a matron cat -- not that I'd advocate that exactly, but it takes all kinds to make up the feline world. And Beth certainly has the matron angle down pat. (he he)

So for 2008 you can expect more devilcat tips, more insights from Beth into the feline Psyche (although I'll make sure she doesn't give too much away), and more stories about ME!

Back to normal

It's nice to have Ellen back, even if she goes to work all day and clacks away on her computer all evening. It's comforting clacking. (Come to think of it, she also made an awful racket with vacuuming this evening . . .)

The weekend was dull as. But at least I had visitors to dispense my food and open the cat door in the mornings. I could have wished they didn't bother shutting it at night again . . . the least E could have done was allow me to roam outside all night if she was off having fun elsewhere. It's not as though I can go hang out with my friends, if I'm stuck inside! (I do have friends - truly!)

But I survived [sigh] and I even refrained from peeing on the floor inside. She would've hated that and it would have served her right! But I didn't. Maybe Beth is teaching me some manners after all.

Back in good spirits

Just want to let you know that we're back from the island and I had an OK time -- not brilliant, but OK. At least I didn't disgrace myself. I used the litter tray for the WHOLE weekend. It helped that Ellen changed it every day :-)

I have heaps more to say but E is making me wait until tomorrow. She says she's too tired. Pathetic.

Until tomorrow.

More on wee

The following exchange (in response to Devilcat tip #5, "The pros and cons of the litter tray", below) is far too good to languish in the comments section!

Beth said...
Hmm, I don't have one of those. I'm expected to hang on. My owners former cat never used one and would pee in the shower hole. I'm with you on this one -- why should I walk on that cold enamel? Clothes left on the floor are good, I always find. Or a half wet towl -- then I can be sneaky and pretend it wasn't me, that it's just shower water.BTW, my new apron has black stripes. Lucky I've hidden the camera or I'm sure they would be taking photos of it. Humans!
27 September 2007 21:39

Chenna said...
Beth, you have it in one! Clothes left on the floor are excellent.BUT even better are SHOES left on the floor. Ellen used to have a pair of leather birkenstocks she would leave around on the floor. They hold wee nicely. I have also experimented on her gorilla slippers and old netball runners.

Tales of blood

Just wanted to let you know that Fox's blood count is better today, so Beth's black-and-tabby blood services won't be necessary until perhaps tomorrow.

For an alternate account of yesterday's adventures (in which I am portrayed like the veritable devilcat I am trying so very hard not to be), see Tracey's blog here.

Feline wisdom

"I've met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of a cat is infinitely superior."
Hippolyte Taine

Almost an angel

I promised a full report of the week at the island. I must say I was a VERY good girl for the whole week. Even when Ellen had friends there, I behaved myself. I didn't attack anyone, I slept quietly on a chair, ate when food was offered . . .

. . . well, OK I might have taken a swipe at one of Ellen's friends, but he shouldn't have come so close. What can I say? I like my space. I'm quite happy to coexist with humans, so long as they leave me alone. Unless I'm begging them for attention; then it's OK to get close!

I even used my litter tray for the entire week. Ellen got the idea eventually and changed it every two days. It did take a spot of illegal urination -- on the carpet in her parents' bedroom -- for her to get the message though. She really was not too happy I did that. But I went down to the litter tray, scratched around in it, and just couldn't bring myself to use it. Anyway, she had to clean it up in the early hours of the morning. She poured something called 'Carpet Power' on it, and it seemed to do the trick. After that, she changed the litter quite regularly!

The days in the house were quite idyllic, really. On the sunny days, Ellen opened the doors onto the deck and I was able to get out and breathe fresh air, feel the sun on my shoulders. Very pleasant.

So I survived the week, as you see. Even the long drive there and back -- I even managed to sleep at one point! No dramas at all. I am very happy to be home again though, able to patrol my garden and torment the other cats in the driveway. Nevertheless, going on holiday is getting less and less traumatic each time.

Making a point

This morning, just to show that I am no problem cat (hissss), I used my litter tray. I could have gone on the floor, because the litter was, after all, not brand new and clean . . . but I didn't. Normally I would wait until E opened the cat door and go outside. But not today!

My cry is heard!

Someone has finally heard me! That Scribbly is an absolute champion. Friend for life. Almost as good as Cheeky.

See Scribbly's letter to me here.

I am considering her suggestion that I save for an airfare to attend Madame Adelaide Bonfamille's mansion in Paris, which has been set up as a cat refuge/resort/spa (for unwanted, undeserved and maltreated cats). I will research the topic.

PS - Dear Scribbly, thanks for your letter! It's nice to have someone on my side for once. I'm going to make Ellen rent out the Aristocats movie, because I have never even seen it!

Canine for a worthy cause

Survived the weekend with Jeddah. One of the highlights was watching him terrorize the other cats in the driveway -- white fluffball and ginger cat both scampered away like kittens!

As for me and Jeddah, well, we get along OK. He knows who's boss, that's for sure. So long as he doesn't get in my way, he doesn't get hurt.

I was a bit miffed, though, that he monopolised my garden all day. It's much better now he's gone. But for what he did to those other moron cats . . . definitely worth it!

A lesson in hygiene

As punishment for all that illegal urination, Ellen has refused to upload any of my posts for the past week or so. In fact I'm rather surprised she's relented today, because I haven't been totally good in the last couple of days.

We went to the island for a holiday, and I was very good until the last afternoon when I weed on the floor again. What Ellen doesn't understand is that if I must use a litter tray, then it needs to be 100% clean litter.

After all, she flushes the toilet every time she goes --- so why should I be any different? She just needs to change the litter every day and then it won't happen.

I guess it didn't help that it happened about half an hour before she wanted to leave for home. Well, I just COULDN'T hold on any longer! She'll just have to get with the program next time.

She was probably also a bit annoyed that I gave her a huge gouge on the arm that bled everywhere and now might be infected (it looks almost like she tried to slit her wrists). Her fault. She should have just allowed me to sleep in her mother's linen closet. Simple!

Anyway, I enjoyed the trip to the island this time, because that awful dog Jeddah wasn't there. It meant I had the run of the place, and I explored the balcony a bit.

Ellen cleaned like a madwoman before we left (even before she learned of my little contribution downstairs . . .) to make sure she vacuumed up every last possible speck of my fur --- not that either of us could see a speck. She was just been cautious.