Not dead either

Well, I just want to say that I was so inspired by your post that at dinnertime tonight, I didn't show up. And after the 45 degree heat, my family feared the worst. It was naughty, I know, but I couldn't help it. Just once, I wanted to have a Chenna moment, and I can't really come at all that bitey scratchy stuff. I shouldn't have done it, especially since I got to go for a walk this morning before 7 am, and the stupid dogs got left home. Ha ha, I think that's very funny. Here's proof -- me having a lovely roll in the swamp. Yes, evidence of fighting, but that's just to prove I'm tough in my own way, Chenna baby!

Not dead

Tonight Ellen keeps asking me if I'm dead.

I suppose she could be forgiven for thinking I might be, because it's so HOT that all I can do is languish pathetically on the 'cool' timber floor.

But the lack of concern in her voice is disconcerting. Would she care if I was dead? I like to think she would.

Anyway, I'm not dead. Just Hot. And a little delirious. Obviously.

Living without dogs

This last week my humans were away, so like Chenna I was out and about, living it up, and -- even better -- chilling out in my own backyard. Why is that such a big deal, I hear you ask, and the answer, of course, is dogs. You see, while the dogs are there, I am not.

The Blonde Bimbo's okay. She's a big klutzy bumbling thing -- she even wags her bum, not just her tail, when she sees me. But Little Red Rat Face (also known in cat circles as the Red Terror) wants to eat me. I know it. She knows it. The humans know it. The only one who doesn't seem to know it is the Blonde Bimbo, but she's dumb. As in dog dumb. Oh, yes, she *is* a dog. I forget. (I am so witty!)

So the humans went away, and the dogs went away. I don't know if they all went away together -- I suspect not because the dogs went first. But if they did all go together I would be entirely put out, because obviously a cat is so much better company than a dog. But anyway the important thing is I had the backyard to myself -- the backyard and the aviary. I could sit all day watching for mice. Bliss! I could wander at will. I could laze around the deck and not have to get to the swamp via my tightrope act on the fence. Bliss.

But, of course, all good things must come to an end (see, I'm wise, too), and they came back: the dogs, the humans, though not in that order. And then the backyard was again somewhere I have to be selective about visiting. Only yesterday I forgot. I was ambling down the yard when I spied a human hanging up wet things on the strange leafless tree, and the two great lunks lying at her feet.

I did what all self-respecting cats did: I froze. Took in the situation. Assessed the danger. Wondered where my brain was and how I'd got myself into that situation. Then I miaowed. It was meant to be a quiet miaow for the human's ears only (better to let sleeping dogs lie and all of that), only it came out louder than I meant. The Blonde Bimbo got up, wagging her bum, and walked towards me. I backed away, not so much worried about her but that she might attract the attention of Little Red Rat Face. Fortunately, though, it didn't happen -- that idiot was still lying safely in snoozeland. All the same, I made for the fence. No use taking unnecessary risks, eh?

Crotchety neighbours

I'm not sure whether I should be amused or annoyed -- but I think I'm amused.

Ellen got an earful from some of the neighbours today -- not the nice friendly ones, but the crotchety elderly couple in unit 3. They accused me of defecating in their garden and making it all smelly so they can't open their window.

I mean, REALLY!

The only time I ever go out into the driveway is when Ellen lets me. She tried to explain that I only ever use the back garden (right under Ellen's window, in fact, and I've never heard her complain), but they wouldn't believe her.

Then they said they'd SEEN me. What liars! And then it turned out that they'd 'seen' me at 1am and Ellen was able to smugly tell them that I'm always locked in overnight (except for when she's away and leaves the cat door open, but she didn't mention that).

It all started getting quite nasty, with the little old woman moaning about how they were surrounded by cats on all sides (and this is in fact true, although why they had to pick on me when there are two other cats that practically live in our driveway), but then the old man started backing down and trying to be reasonable.

Who knows how it will all turn out. All I can say is that no neighbours are perfect, and it's not such a good idea to get people offside, particularly when everyone else is so chummy. Chug the spoodle next door will no doubt be the next one to incur their wrath. I saw him in their garden this afternoon . . . he'd better watch out!

Chug the Spoodle

ALERT! A canine has moved in next door!

Ellen, the traitor, was spotted actually cuddling said canine pup, which is that strange breed known as a Spoodle. I mean, really. Spoodle? No self-respecting feline would ever be known by such a ridiculous label.

Ellen seems to think 'Chug' is rather adorable. She came up to the front door, cradling the cretin in her arms and told me (on the other side of the fly wire screen) that we were going to be fabulous friends.

As if. AS IF! Friends with a dog? Me? And what a floppy, teeny weeny ragdoll-like pup it is.

Chug. Hmmm. Chug the Spoodle. (Snigger)

0.4kg down

What a weird week. Scorchingly hot, and now rather cool. When it was hot, I didn't feel like eating much. And now it's cool, all I'm faced with is that dreadful -- well, I'm not going to go on about that anymore.

The good news is that I think I've actually lost some weight! Ellen weighed me this morning, and I'm down by 0.4kg, which as a percentage of my body weight is fairly significant. Cool, huh?

Ellen's friend Lita actually said I was looking good, and that it wasn't my fault I had a flabby tummy. I like her.

anti-diet strategy

I'm still off my food, but for a completely different reason. I simply CAN'T STAND the diet food Ellen keeps trying to feed me. It's DISGUSTING.

So now I either leave it there and pester Ellen until she gives me some of the real stuff. Or I chuck it up again in an attempt to make Ellen stop feeding it to me.

Today I chucked up on the couch, and I know it's bothering Ellen, as she sits there, because she keeps wrinkling her nose. Even though she cleaned it up. I think she'll need to use something stronger to get the smell out.

He he he

Off my food

Thank the cat gods that's over. Three days locked inside, all alone. Forced to use litter trays. Simply awful.

At least there were three litter trays to chose from, although I only needed one. I found I lost my appetite through the whole ordeal actually. At first I kept coughing up hairballs and then I couldn't keep any food down. So there was quite a lot of food left over.

But I survived. And aside from leaving piles of half-digested food for Ellen to clean up, I didn't make any mess at all.

But I do hope my cat door gets fixed soon!

Prisoner (complete overreaction)

I should have guessed that Ellen would completely overreact and start locking me inside every day now. Basically, unless she's home, she locks my cat door so I can't get out.

And last night, when I finally managed to get outside, she locked me out all evening! She's certainly never done that before. So there I was, forced to stay outside until she got home at almost midnight!

And NOW she tells me she's going to the island for a few days, leaving me locked inside the whole time! She's putting additional litter trays down, and the auto-flying-saucer-feeder, and then I'm stuck here with my own company until Saturday night!

I can't wait until she gets my flap fixed and the magnet works again. That will hopefully mean she'll allow the door to stay open when she goes away, because the evil demon ginger cat will be unable to get inside.

I confess I would probably rather go with her to the island, even with that pesky Jeddah dog there, than stay at home locked inside on my own. (sob)

(And now, to make matters worse, that evil ginger cat is once more trying to get inside my door! That'll just convince Ellen that she's right. Sheesh!!)

Home invasion

I wasn't too impressed -- and not a little traumatised -- this morning when my home was invaded by a demon ginger cat! The evil one followed me inside, completely disregarding feline etiquette which states that houses are sacrosanct. Whoever heard of having to defend oneself in one's own living room?

So there we were, screeching and wrestling in the living room and the fur went flying (mine I regret to advise) and then Ellen bounded out of bed (for she had crawled back under the covers like a lazybones after opening my door this morning) and the evil demon cat ran away.

I moped about feeling sorry for myself while Ellen cleaned up the fur and some other regrettable mess, and then she locked me inside while she went out to breakfast. I believe she spent the morning asking after replacement cat flaps, because the whole reason the evil one could get in was because the magnetic mechanism no longer works owing to a previous repair job on the cat flap using non-magnetic strips of aluminium.

I confess I'm now a little uneasy because it's hard to relax inside when any moment I might be attacked by the evil one. I don't know what Ellen's going to do tomorrow when/if she goes out. I know she hates the idea of trespassing cats getting inside, especially the evil demon ginger cat. I have a feeling I might be locked inside all day. Not fun. But then, neither is being invaded.

At least it wasn't Zim Zam who attacked me. He is the ginger cat who lives in the driveway, and although we have regular confrontations, I know he would never break the taboo against entering the house of another cat!

electric dreams

Thought you'd be interested to know that I've become rather attached to sleeping on top of the computer power transformer. Well, if Ellen will insist on sitting at her desk all the time, what else is a faithful feline to do but keep her company? I've tried her lap, but she gets wriggly. This way, I'm not in anybody's way and I get a nice warm buzz under my shoulder. Very soothing.

Cunning plan

I have a cunning plan to make Ellen stop feeding me diet rubbish food: pee on the floor! It's starting to work, I can feel it. My little messages of the past couple of days are having their effect!

Let me explain. I have been on a special diet for the last year or so, specially designed to prevent me from having bladder inflammation etc. (Enough said.) But by mixing the diet rubbish food with my special food, there's a chance it will stop having the positive effect, and I'll start having problems again. A sure sign of this is 'inappropriate peeing'.

And so my cunning plan is to make Ellen think this is happening! For the past couple of days I've left strategically placed messages, and now I can see her mind churn around . . . what's worse, a fat cat or pee on the floor? (I know which one she'll pick.)

Stay tuned for more news from this frightfully clever feline.

Still here!

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted -- almost four months in fact. But the good news is that I'm still here!

After that last incident, Ellen took me down to the island for a four-day weekend in November. I guess that'll teach me to make a statement! But it was nice to have a change of scene. I was very good while I was down there, and so long as my litter gets changed every day there's no reason for me to make a statement.

About three weeks ago, Ellen put me on a diet. She's been threatening this for months now, and the vet even e-mailed a suggested food scheme. But it took E so long to actually implement it that I assumed she'd forgotten. Not so lucky. Now, half my food comprises these disgusting diet pellets. They look like my normal food, but they are no more than a 'cheap' imitation. Yuck. I have to eat them, or else I'll starve, but I don't notice any weight coming off yet! (Not that I'm in any way fat, or anything.)

The week before last, we went back to the eye specialist. You know, the one who wants to yank my eye out? Well, I did NOT want to go there, and I made sure E knew it. She was so certain I would be good so long as she fed me before we went, but I wasn't falling for that again. To make it even more worthwhile, the vet had students witness my examination, and I'm not sure they'd ever encountered such a devilcat as I. Ha Ha! I showed them! Hiss, spit, scratch. In the end they had to wrap me up in a towel. (I didn't like that so much.)

Here's a photo of my eye -- the one that changed colour. I'll try to post photos after each examination -- for I have to go back AGAIN in another four months. But at least I get to keep my eye for the time being. The specialist vets are fascinated by my eye, and have evidently been asking other opinions in on-line vet chatrooms. Cool huh?

But do you know how off-putting it is hearing people talk about ripping your eye out? As though it was a splinter or something! I mean REALLY! This is my EYE we're talking about!

Unappreciated present

Ah well, it was great while it lasted. Had a fab few days here on my own, but Ellen came home this afternoon and now I have to share the house with her again.

While she was gone, I could go anywhere I wanted, in and out of the house.

Just so she'd appreciate me, I left her a little present in her study. After all, she spends so much time in there . . .

I was up on the edge of her desk -- just wishing she were here for a bit of extra food, lounging beside her keyboard -- and I needed to, well, you know, GO.

So I popped my rear over the edge of the desk and went!

It's becoming a favourite game of mine to watch Ellen sniff her way around the house when she gets home, looking for my present . . . She creeps around on her hands and knees, sniff sniff sniffing . . . And then with a yelp she finds it!

It's all cleaned up now. I don't think she liked my present much, actually.

More alone time

A ha! Another five days of alone time. I'm gonna roam outside all night, get into fights, raid the pantry, pee all over the floor, catch rodents and leave them on the rug . . .

Sigh. Bliss.

Four mice in under twenty-four hours

Yes, how great am I, oh Chenna-devil cat? But you know what? I can't take all the credit. There's some new and exciting developer out there who deserves at least some of the credit for designing the humane mousetrap. Because, you see, the thing is that this trap -- kind of like a little tunnel with a trapdoor -- doesn't kill the mice, doesn't even hurt them. All very well for those silly, squeamish humans, but then what are they going to do with this mouse that they've caught? Let it go? I don't think so.

The most humane thing, of course, is to give it to the cat. Then, the poor little rodent, they reason, at least has a chance of getting away. Let me say this, humans: we cats are rolling on the floor, laughing our arses off. A chance to get away. Yeah, right.

I'm feeling full now. Decidedly full. It's a nice feeling.

HUNGRY

Hey, Ellen -- where the hell are you? How come it's nearly half past seven on a Friday and You're still not home? I'm HUNGRY dammit! HUNGRY.

Suffering from an Evil Eye

It's been a while since I've posted -- sorry about that. Truth is, life has been trucking along nicely. I had another night home alone and I'm starting to get used to the whirring, speaking, food contraption. Sometimes I think who needs Ellen when I've got that?

Except I do need Ellen. Today's rather sobering experience has brought it all home.

We visited the opthamologist this evening. Ellen has been going on and on about my left eye, which has changed colour over the past year or so. Maybe longer. I haven't thought much of it, but we asked Dr Caroline to look at it when we visited last month and she recommended we visit a specialist.

So today we saw Dr Chloe. And now it seems as though it might be something serious after all. Or at least it might lead to something serious. Melanoma of the iris - skin cancer of the eye! Dr Chloe says if it changes colour, goes darker, I might even need to have my eye removed!

What can you say to something like that? How would I go with only one eye? I've heard that cats can't judge distance when they only have eye. This makes leaping onto things hard. (It's hard when you're carrying a bit of extra weight as well!) And probably Ellen would make me stay inside all day, or maybe build me a cat run, instead of being able to go in and out as I choose. But maybe it would be OK . . .

There is a worse scenario of course, but let's not think about that.

I will add, however, that despite these devastating tidings, I behaved beautifully at the eye doctor today. Only one half-hearted swipe and a faint growl. Other than that, I was placid and very very very good. Dr Chloe might actually even like me. (I think it's far too late to make friends with Dr Caroline . . . I really did behave so very badly last time I saw her.)

Ellen is going to take a photo of my eye . . . I'll post it here when it's ready. Will keep you updated on the saga of my evil eye in true devilcat fashion. Is this karma?

Psst -- do you hear what I hear?

Cats of the world: be alert. I've heard whispers. I've seen photos. Cat proofing. I know it's out there. They might tell us it's to keep our turf clear of other cats marauding, but that's not the real truth. The real truth is that they're trying to keep us in! Us -- I mean what possible harm could we cause? We go out. We rid the streets of pestilence-carrying rats. We sing beautiful songs at night. We sort through rubbish bins. We don't leave messy little piles like those stupid canines, so what possible objection can there be to our being out on the street? What's not to love about a cat? I ask you!

Cats of the world -- take an inventory now. Suss out all those little places humans don't expect we can fit through. Nut out leaping points in case normal access points are covered up with cladding. We are smart. We can find out way out! Dare to find the ways. Go, cats! Go. Remember: nothing and no-one can keep a good cat in!

A week of freedom

Well I never expected to be left home alone for an entire WEEK! That's what it was in the end. A whole week! Ellen never would have done that before I was five.

The talking food contraption whirred and spat out my food. The first few times I thought Ellen had come home because it played a stupid little message from her. It didn't take long however for me to have it sussed. Humans really do underestimate our intelligence.

The only living human I saw in all that time (aside from neighbours pottering about in the driveway) was Sarah, who came to refill the whirring food contraption a few times. Other than that, no-one. Nothing.

My feline flap was left open for the entire time so I roamed at large when and where I wanted. So aside from the fact that Ellen turned the heating off and the house was freezing, I was quite comfortable. And when it got too cold, I just crawled under the doona.

She came home yesterday and lounged about on the sofa all day while I slept on my cushion. The first thing she did was feed me. The second thing she did was put on the heating! It was very companionable.

Even though I am more than capable of looking after myself (so long as I am fed), it is nice to have her home.