Tuesday 16 October 2007

Devilcat tip #6 - how to be a lap cat

For some reason, humans seem to expect cats to sit on their laps. Beats me why this should be. I mean, it might provide US with a nice soft, warm place to curl up (despite the wriggling), but what do THEY get out of it?

I'll never know. Anyway, here are some very special tips about sitting on laps that will ensure you maintain your devilcat status even while performing this task.

1. Do not make the move towards the lap until you know your human is about to get up. Nothing annoys a human more than having you curl up to sleep just when the ad break during which they've decided to visit the loo or put the kettle on arrives. Or even a few minutes before the show ends and they're about to go do something else.

2. Humans who sit at computers do not really like having cats on their laps, even though it makes them feel loved. It forces them to sit awkwardly and type with their keyboard on an angle. It also makes them sit back from the screen they like to squint at so intently.

3. If you do have a human who sits at the computer, a good trick is to curl up on their lap and then attack their wrist as they try to type or move the computer mouse. [NOTE: Computer mouses are not good to eat.]

4. Knead the lap well before curling up to sleep. Claws OUT.

5. Never stay on the lap for more than about 10 minutes. This is plenty of time to show love, and you will find that your favourite bed (or, in my case, cushion) is much more comfortable anyway.

There you have them. My top five tips for lap sitting. Go now and practice.

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