Neglected

I'm rather wondering why Ellen even bothered coming home. It's not as though she's been around much this week.

Do you think she'd notice if I didn't come home? I almost tried it this evening; I waited outside when she got home, instead of rushing inside for food, to see what she'd do.

But I couldn't last. I was too hungry. So I went in when she called, leaving her only mildly surprised.

Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.

Back to normal

It's nice to have Ellen back, even if she goes to work all day and clacks away on her computer all evening. It's comforting clacking. (Come to think of it, she also made an awful racket with vacuuming this evening . . .)

The weekend was dull as. But at least I had visitors to dispense my food and open the cat door in the mornings. I could have wished they didn't bother shutting it at night again . . . the least E could have done was allow me to roam outside all night if she was off having fun elsewhere. It's not as though I can go hang out with my friends, if I'm stuck inside! (I do have friends - truly!)

But I survived [sigh] and I even refrained from peeing on the floor inside. She would've hated that and it would have served her right! But I didn't. Maybe Beth is teaching me some manners after all.

mutter mutter

mutter mutter mutter . . . Ellen's hardly been home this week and I've been BORED. What does she mean by getting home so late every night? I mean, tonight it was after 11pm! And I get so HUNGRY while I'm waiting. And today I was LOCKED OUT by my stupid cat door which gets stuck sometimes, and it was a HOT DAY.

On the upside, I got to stay outside until 11pm tonight, which on a balmy night like tonight is way cool.

But now she tells me she's going away WITHOUT ME all weekend. And so I'll have to be more bored and rely on others to come and feed me. Geez.

mutter mutter mutter

Devilcat tip#8 - what to do with insects

It's butterfly season again - glorious. You'll also find lots of flies buzzing about. Both make marvellous playthings. Fun to catch, but even better to dismember.

Just remember that the best place to do this is inside. By all means, bring your playthings in and show off to your humans just how clever you are. They'll be especially thankful if you can catch the flies that come inside of their own volition (fools). Just leave the remains on the floor and the humans will pick them up. Sometimes the butterflies are not quite dead, and their desperate, pathetic, feeble fluttering is worth a look.

You may also notice the occasional cockroach. Ah, these are fun to play with too - only take care to do so away from humans, or they'll scream - or, worse, vomit. That's what Ellen almost did when I left a half-mangled roach on the floor in her bedroom once. She didn't like that at all. He he. On the other hand, it was rather fun seeing her reaction! She likes me killing the suckers, but doesn't what to acknowledge their existence.

Other fun bugs to play with are cicadas (but they make an awful racket when you bring them inside) and spiders of course. E thinks her huntsman died of natural causes! Little does she really know.

More cat trivia

More insights into feline-dom from the vet:

• 95% of cat owners admit they talk to their cats. (yep)
• A cat can be either right-pawed or left-pawed. (nup - I can swat with either claw just as effectively)
• A cat cannot see directly under its nose. This is why the cat cannot seem to find tidbits on the floor. (I just wish E would get this one!)
• A cat has 230 bones in its body. A human only has 206 bones.
• A cat has four rows of whiskers. (well, duh)
• A cat in a hurry can sprint at about thirty-one miles per hour. (you betcha - E is always amazed how I can meet her at the front door then race around to the back and get inside before she does!)
• A cat sees about six times better than a human at night because of the tapetum lucidum , a layer of extra reflecting cells which absorb light. (erm . . .?)
• A cat uses its whiskers to determine if a space is too small to squeeze through. The whiskers act as feelers or antennae, helping the animal to judge the precise width of any passage.
• A cat will almost never meow at another cat. Cats use this sound for humans. (and a low-grade language it is too)

5th birthday

Today is nominally my 5th birthday. It's nominal because no-one actually knows the precise date. The vets estimated my age when I was handed in. So for all intents and purposes, today is the day.

FIVE! How about that? I have celebrated with an idyllic day in the garden. E hasn't been around much -- it would have been nice for her to spend some time with me, I must say. But she's going out again this evening, and will most likely lock me in, so I look forward to a long boring evening all alone.

Happy birthday to me.

Am I good or what?

Yesterday, I caught and ate two mice. Hear that? Two. And big fat juicy mice they were. In our kitchen. Now, you might ask how come I let them be there in the first place, but with those dogs in and out, I find I much prefer the solitude of the front garden these days. But, today, the humans called me in, grabbed me (most unceremoniously), held me up, moved a bit of furniture -- out the little fat boy ran and kapow! Two seconds, and I had it. The humans let me outside and left me to it, which was a rather nice change if I do say so myself.

An hour or two later, and they collared me again. This time one held me while the other swept a broom handle under the fridge. Little fat boy no 2 appeared and kapow! Two seconds later, I had it. Yeah, Chenna, so I had some human help, but I had to have my wits about me, act quickly. Otherwise I'd be lying around dreaming about mice instead of vomiting them up this morning. And I do love to barf them all over the lawn.

But you know what the stupid humans said yesterday when I'd caught no 2? You'd think they'd be grateful, wouldn't you? They said, all laughs and cheekiness, "Oh, good, now we won't have to feed you dinner!" Humans, they're so droll! As if!

Scramble for food

Ellen was home late today -- again -- but I forgave her because she came bearing food! With only a few crumbs left in my food barrel, I must admit I was getting anxious again, but thankfully she remembered my predicament.

It turns out that she rocked up at the vet to get my food, to find them in the process of locking up! Sensing doom, she begged to be allowed to purchase some food, and the very nice dog groomer let her in and searched for some freebie samples of the particular food I must eat. (Royal Canin urinary food).

When no freebie samples were to be found (at least of the cat variety), the kind dog groomer fired up the computer and allowed E to purchase a full bag. So lucky that E had cash on her, or things might have been tricky indeed!

Niles and Sam

I have posted some new photos in the sidebar today.

Sam (right) is Lita's new baby boy, an innocent little kitty cat, some 9 weeks old or so. I hope Lita plans to let him read my blog from time to time. Might as well start devilcat training from an early age!

Niles (left) is Lita's faithful feline friend. He's missing his old buddy Fox a lot these days, and trying to deal with the little bag of beans that is Sam. Poor Niles -- he probably doesn't know what's hit him!

Milk bottle ring

Oh praise the cat gods, I have found new meaning in life with the revelation about milk bottle rings. You know, the ring that seals the lid to the bottle when first purchased? I found one on the floor yesterday quite late, and you have no IDEA how much fun it is to play with! It scoots along the floors amazingly well, and makes a cute plasticky tinkling sound.

Ellen just looks at me and laughs. Ha, she says. Have you only just worked that out? Moggie used to play with them all the time. (Moggie was Ellen's former feline. I met her once or twice -- old decrepit thing. She died over 4 years ago.)

I have a sneaking suspicion that E put the ring in my way to see what I'd do. Well, so what? She was right for once. I LOVE it!

The only problem is that now I've lost it. It's disappeared under some piece of furniture (can't remember which) and so that's the end. Until E opens another bottle of milk . . .

Devilcat tip #7 - bedroom behaviour

There are two different types of humans: those who allow us felines to sleep on their beds, and those who don't. I am very lucky to have a human who does allow me on the bed. In fact, she even allows me in the bed. The trick to maintaining devilcat status is to be unpredictable. The moment humans expect anything of you, you're doomed.

I mix up my bedroom behaviour. Sometimes, I'm there quite early, on the bed before E is asleep. Othertimes, I lurk around outside the bedroom, ignoring her inquiring calls, waiting to sneak in much later, in the middle of the night.

The other thing to mix up is location. There's the option of ON the bed. When choosing this option, it's essential to find a comfy warm position between your human's legs. This may sound rude, but if you're on top of the doona, it's fine. (It is also extremely irritating for your human, who is pinned and cannot move! I find it perpetually amazing how pathetic humans can be, not wanting to wake us up and all. Don't they know we wake and sleep both in a flash?)

If you want something even more cozy, there's the option of IN the bed. My favourite spot is between the doona and top sheet. That way, you're separate from your human, with all the benefits of being beneath the doona. You can also go under the sheet, but I don't recommend this as highly as the other option. Of course, if your human doesn't have a top sheet, you don't have a choice! When in the bed, the best spot is in the small of your human's back.

Always go towards the CENTRE of the bed, never the side. This way, you can nudge your human so far to the edge that they almost fall out!

If you're feeling particularly mischievious, you can head down towards the feet and attack. Most humans HATE this.

Finally, it's worth mentioning that beneath the doona is a brilliant place to sleep if you're feeling low. I find if I'm somewhere I'd rather not be (such as the island) I can slip under the doona and pretend I'm somewhere else. There's the added advantage that stupid humans can't find you! (I played this trick on T on the island recently. He he.)

Fur balls

I am a good cat. I keep myself clean. I keep the mice from leaving the aviary. From time to time I keep the blonde bimbo and little red ratface dogs in line -- well, all right, mostly I just tease them from where they cannot reach me. Dumbo bimbo's okay -- big and klutzy but gentle, but that little red ratface -- she's smart, I tell you. At least, that is, smart for a dog. Average intelligence for a cat. You don't see her with a blog, do you?

Right, so the point of this post is that I'm a good cat, and I do what all good cats do: I keep myself clean. And I do this by licking myself. As good cats do. So, why, oh why, do I get furballs? Well, I've never really had one before. And this was a beauty. Involved lots of coughing. My beautiful tabby-and-black fur becoming dull. Lots more coughing. I couldn't get rid of the blasted thing.

So, what did my humans go out and do? They bought this foul-smelling (wish it was fowl-smelling!) paste that they put on my nose. Licorice flavoured they called it. I am a cat. I do not eat licorice. Do you see a problem here? Because I certainly do. So they buy this foul stuff, and they put it on my nose. And, of course, because I'm a good cat who likes to keep herself clean, I lick it off. Dogs, did my eyes go round. And I ran, I tell you. I ran, because if I ran far enough I might leave that foul-smelling stuff, that foul-tasting stuff behind. But, no, it came with me, didn't it? Now, they're putting it in my canned food. And giving me special dry food with other laxatives in it. Yes, you've guessed it -- that foul, black, licorice stuff is a laxative. I have a fur ball not constipation. Stupid humans!

Muse

Just so you know, I helped E and T write during the recent long weekend at the island. They couldn't have done it without me. I was their muse.

Whenever they faltered, I was there to make sure they kept those fingers clacking. Whenever they got hungry, I got hungry too.

It's hard work being a muse!

You'd have thought they'd be a little more thankful. After all, they say they got heaps of work done. And it's all down to me!

Back in good spirits

Just want to let you know that we're back from the island and I had an OK time -- not brilliant, but OK. At least I didn't disgrace myself. I used the litter tray for the WHOLE weekend. It helped that Ellen changed it every day :-)

I have heaps more to say but E is making me wait until tomorrow. She says she's too tired. Pathetic.

Until tomorrow.

Why can't we just stay home?

To cap off a crap week, during which Ellen has hardly been home and I've been bored out of my brain and unable to blog TO-BOOT, I've just found out we're going down to the island for a four-day weekend.

Sheesh. I'd so much rather we just stayed home!

Cat without curfew

Every night this week, I have been tormented by an intruder in my garden. Mostly it's that pesky ginger cat, lounging about on my decking or skulking under my hydrangea or cruising on my roof.

I am locked inside while all this happens after dark, and forced to watch from the confines of the house. No matter how much I warn him off, it doesn't seem to work. He just ignores me, until it suits him to saunter off in his own good time.

A few times in past weeks I have actually found myself contemplating making friends with the ginger cat. Sometimes we hang out together and there's no fighting. But I really do think it's rude of him to mock me in this way -- just because he doesn't seem to have a curfew! (Neither does white fluffball.) How can I be friends with him now?

Two things . . .

There are two things I want to mention today:

1. There is a huntsman spider in our house. Ellen didn't tell me about it at first, but I found it yesterday. It was sitting quite brazenly on the mirror in the bathroom, so of course I attacked it. Wriggly spiders are sooo much fun to play with! The best toys ever. But, alas, as spiders so often do, it got away. Now I think it is far too afraid to show itself again. I am pretending to ignore it for a few days, in order to lure it out again. Then we'll see!

2. My food supply is almost out! This is a cause for GRAVE concern. I heard Ellen say she was going to buy some today, but she came home without it. Instead, the food container is almost empty. In an attempt to make it through the next few days, in case Ellen forgets to buy food, I am rationing myself. Tonight I have only eaten half my dinner, just to make sure there is some left for the morning! This is TERRIBLE. I'm so HUNGRY.

(Maybe I'll have to eat that damned spider after all.)

Why cats need to be allowed out at night (or why every cat needs a fence)

They don't come out at daytime, do they? Really, I am a well-mannered cat, so I don't see what all the fuss is about. The humans go out with their cameras and whatever, and I have to look through the window. It doesn't seem very fair, does it? I'm not going to be out there caterwauling and making a fuss. I'm not going to eat the cute little thing. Well, I might, but last time I got up close to one it spat louder than I did. I won't even chase the cat next door and scream and fight. Well, I might, but only if he comes onto my property. Let's take a vote, cats! Should we be allowed out or not?

Devilcat tip #6 - how to be a lap cat

For some reason, humans seem to expect cats to sit on their laps. Beats me why this should be. I mean, it might provide US with a nice soft, warm place to curl up (despite the wriggling), but what do THEY get out of it?

I'll never know. Anyway, here are some very special tips about sitting on laps that will ensure you maintain your devilcat status even while performing this task.

1. Do not make the move towards the lap until you know your human is about to get up. Nothing annoys a human more than having you curl up to sleep just when the ad break during which they've decided to visit the loo or put the kettle on arrives. Or even a few minutes before the show ends and they're about to go do something else.

2. Humans who sit at computers do not really like having cats on their laps, even though it makes them feel loved. It forces them to sit awkwardly and type with their keyboard on an angle. It also makes them sit back from the screen they like to squint at so intently.

3. If you do have a human who sits at the computer, a good trick is to curl up on their lap and then attack their wrist as they try to type or move the computer mouse. [NOTE: Computer mouses are not good to eat.]

4. Knead the lap well before curling up to sleep. Claws OUT.

5. Never stay on the lap for more than about 10 minutes. This is plenty of time to show love, and you will find that your favourite bed (or, in my case, cushion) is much more comfortable anyway.

There you have them. My top five tips for lap sitting. Go now and practice.

New friends

I now have a few new friends on Catbook: Mr Darcy and Lizzie (furry felines) and Emma (of the human variety). Yay! I will see if I can get pics of Mr D and Lizzie to post here.

I should also point out that Lizzie is a boy and Mr Darcy is a girl. This is clearly a cunning plan on the part of them and their mother (Lady Catherine) to befuddle their humans. I am very impressed.