Unappreciated slumber party

Aaaagh! Jeddah is here again, and this time he's staying the WHOLE NIGHT! He came around in the morning and invaded MY GARDEN and now he's asleep in the living room. All day and evening I've had to creep around, hoping he doesn't notice me . . . it's not that I'm scared, but I really do prefer not to be chased and pounced on. Far too much effort required in running away.

And he's always so darned happy.

Five star kitty

I've been very good recently. Only the occasional wrist-gnawing and breakfast-chucking (can cats be bullemic?) episode.

This morning, I was very kind to Ellen. She was reading in bed and I crawled in under the quilt and snuggled into her side. Like a little hot water bottle.

I have attacked her feet a few times though. I can't be good all the time.

And I think I chased Oscar out of the garden as well.

But I have spent a lot of time on Ellen's lap. Surely that makes up for everything?

Chenna before keyboard

I long ago worked out that if I sit on top of Ellen's keyboard, she can't do anything about it. It makes her do one of two things:

> she either shoves the keyboard away under her computer (there's a drawer) and allows me to smooch her;

> or she sits back and allows me to sit on her lap while she tries to type.

Either way, I can chew on her wrist. This evening, I sit on her lap as she types this, chewing her wrist. It's a sign of love and endearment, don't you know?

Jeckle and Hyde

I don't know what's wrong with me. Just gave Ellen a big cuddle, then sunk my teeth into her wrist. I couldn't help it!

Maybe I really do need therapy.

An apology

I was very ungracious yesterday. Ellen's little niece Hannah came to visit, bringing me toys she'd made herself out of coloured pipecleaners. They were beautiful, and I couldn't help watching as she rolled them across the floor. But I was sleeping and sulking, fed up with the rain that was keeping me indoors and out of my garden. So I didn't get up to play with them.

Hannah is really rather adorable, and she always comes to say hello to me. But I just don't know how to act with other people! They always want to stroke me and touch me and talk to me. Usually, I just want them to leave me alone.

I lashed out at Hannah when she came to say goodbye. I wish I hadn't done that. Now she'll really be scared of me. I'm glad I didn't actually get her. She looked very sombre. Do you think she'll still be my friend?

Oscar the tormentor

Oscar was asking for it again last night, but lucky for her, she was on the other side of the window. I really don't see why SHE gets to hang around outside all night, while I have to stay indoors. There she was, grey fluffball, perched on the stepping stones in MY GARDEN right outside Ellen's bedroom window. Bathed in the glow of reflected light. (Nothing so romantic as moonlight.)

Really not fair. All I could do was hiss at her a few times, but she only cast a disdainful glance in my direction and sprawled out in the cool of the night.

I hate her.

Bloodquest

This evening I attacked Ellen and drew blood. Mainly on her hands, but some on her ankles as well.

She cried.

She's such a sook.

Canine invasion

Jeddah invaded us this afternoon. Ellen really likes him, but I can't understand what she sees in him. He's always so HAPPY, and -- worse -- OBEDIENT!

He comes around and treats the place like it's his own . . . sprawls out on MY RUG and piddles (or worse) in MY GARDEN! I even heard he piddled on Ellen's lettuces!

Now I am extremely careful of things like that. You would NEVER catch me urinating on Ellen's veggie garden.

(Only in her birkenstocks, but that's another story . . .)

Finally he's gone and I have the place to myself again. But it's made me very irritable.

Butterfly effect

Last night I captured a butterfly and left it on the rug for Ellen to see. She thinks I meant it for a present, but that's a common misconception. Cats don't give presents. In truth, I left it there for a laugh to see what she'd do. It was quite disappointing really. She just picked it up by the wing and dropped it in the rubbish.

It certainly wasn't as good as when I left a dead rodent there last year. I will never forget her reaction that time!

But perhaps she's becoming immune to butterflies? The thing is, they're so much fun to catch. And this time of year, they're everywhere. Ah well, maybe I'd better see whether I can find another rodent . . .

Letter of complaint

Dear Proctor & Gamble

RE: Olay Complete recipe modification

WHY have you changed the recipe for Olay Complete SPF15? It has been my daily breakfast dessert for years, but suddenly it's DIFFERENT. Every morning for the past week, I've been in position right on time, judging perfectly my arrival from outside, only to find . . . it just doesn't do it for me anymore. It's like Eukanuba without the Eukanuba. Tuna without the tuna. (Chocolate without the chocolate.) Get my drift?

Could you please go back to the old recipe? Ellen hasn't noticed any difference with its moisturiser action, so for the sake of this furry feline's tastebuds . . .? Pleeeeease???

Best regards
Chenna Devilcat

Home alone

I hadn't realised how great it was to have Ellen home over the Christmas/New Year break. I've been home alone for two days now, and I'm going stir crazy. Today I got locked out of the house, and there was nobody to call, so I had to hang about in the garden all day. Lucky the weather was pleasant and not one of those stinkers -- or, worse, a day like Christmas day, where the central heating was on!

I wish she'd get the door fixed, so it doesn't get stuck all the time.

Hot and bothered

The past couple of days have been so HOT, that I've hardly had the heart to eat. I've spent most of the day sprawled out on the cool floorboards. I keep thinking I should eat, but when I look at it I feel like throwing up. This morning I did throw up, but it was a hairball.

I think I might be suffering from heatstroke or something. I hope I feel better tomorrow.

Oscar asking for it

Had a near incident with Oscar this evening. Oscar is our neighbour, a smallish grey and white long-hair that I suspect Ellen rather likes. She (Oscar is female, we think) has recently taken to coming into MY GARDEN. Just because her own garden is a weed-infested cage of concrete, I don't see why she should have to intrude on my space. Ellen doesn't seem to mind at all; in fact, she keeps telling me we should become friends. Friends! Cats don't HAVE friends! And even if we did, I certainly wouldn't be friends with her.

Anyway, I spotted Oscar on top of the garage roof, so I headed on up to chase her away. Ellen (watering the garden) yelled at me, and I thought she was going to turn the hose on us. Lucky she's in water-saving mode because of the drought. It was too hot to get really aggro though, so I just hissed at Oscar and she got the message.

As if I'd be her friend.

I'm staying on watch at the front door all evening to make sure she doesn't come back. A pity there's fly wire there, but at least I can howl at her through the mesh.

Morning sickness

Chucked up my breakfast again this morning. I wish Ellen would remember not to give me a whole scoop of food in one go! I forget to eat it slowly and I make myself sick.

It's much better if she feeds me less food, but more often. After all, she eats at least five times a day. Why can't I?